considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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