The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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