so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
