I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My balls are so social today.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
