if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
