i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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