I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
