How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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