My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
