I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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