booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
