I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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