The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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