I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
