On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
