Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
