i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Randomize
