I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
