you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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