I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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