Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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