wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
