I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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