remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
