I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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