I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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