I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
