I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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