No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I will pee on everything he values.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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