She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
they call him Oral-B. enough said
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
