??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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