I'm drive I can fine osifer
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
