If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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