great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
