I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
