Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
