I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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