i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
