Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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