what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
