Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He better not be in your backpack
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
