I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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