party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
