Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
