I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
