Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
