Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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