I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
