Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
