I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
